Facebook post from a friend:
On this day of all days I encountered the first person in my personal space in public to break the mask mandate. I was shocked at first, outraged second, then overcome with a need to converse with this younger middle age man. So when he crossed my path I the next isle, I summoned my courage. I am not a rabble rouser, nor an angry irate citizen. What I discovered is I was deeply wounded by his decision. When I asked him why he wasnt waring a mask, he seemed surprised at first but he was gracious. He says cause they don’t work. He cited the CDC. I responded that I think that had been updated and in fact recommended highly. We agreed to disagree but I shared with him that his choice hurt me. That I worry about my ….. mom and my ….. grandson. He simply looked at me and blinked hard. As luck would have it, he ended up in the check out line behind me. I was curious how the checker would handle this. Bless her heart she is stuck there when customers act like they only have to answer to themselves. I was surprised when she asked him for his mask and he said he didn’t have one, she walked away. As I walked beside her I told her I was sorry she had to deal with that. She said to me, if I have to wear one so does he. I parted company at that, but whispered good luck as I left. I was able to return to my safe zone. She is not. People, our choices are not ensconced in a bubble. Our choices affect others. I do not appreciate meeting a man without a mask as I shop. He may or may not be affected with the virus, but he affected at least 2 of us negatively today. And that’s just not right.
My Response:
1) You can say you had no intention to be confrontational but this guy gets to choose for himself if he felt you confronted him, independent of your intent. Unless you approached him saying “I see you are not wearing a mask; would you like to talk about it?” (which I doubt) then I can easily see him feeling like you (an older woman) confronted him. In your original post you said you approached him and asked “why…”, only in your 2nd followup post did you expand, saying you “asked him to enter into a dialogue”.
I was once in a auto repair parking lot wandering around, preoccupied with finding my car when the voice of a man yelled out from behind me saying loudly “thats it, just walk on by and don’t say anything!” his voice was dipping with vitriol and sarcasm. While he is perfectly within his rights to verbalize is discontent with my behavior, he had no right to EXPECT everyone behave “his way”. I remember the incident vividly because I felt attacked and confronted without cause.
Last year when collecting my empty garbage cans off the street I found a note from a lady in the subdivision; accusing me of being rude and insensitive because of where I placed my cans (on the street) apparently too close to her home (on the opposite side of the street). The next day I noticed her and her band of bicycle enthusiasts riding up and down our long private driveway but said nothing. Later that week she stopped me out on the street (confronted me, literally cutting me off in the street with her car) demanding an explanation for my rude behavior. Incredible. We’re talking about garbage cans, in the street, where they belong, and she thinks I owe her a report on my thoughts. Who is this lady and why does she think she has a right to know what I am thinking?
Increasingly I see us using the word “rights” to describe things we like or want and assert expectations on the thoughts of others; but thats not how “rights” work. We have no right to be comfortable with speech; to the contrary we have a right to free speech especially if it is the kind that makes us politically uncomfortable. But not a right to the thoughts of others.
2) For me, the flip side of #1 is that we are increasingly expecting others to take care of us. There is no rational reason to expect others to protect us. We each need to take care of ourselves first, failing to do so risks not being able to help others should we choose to do so. We each have a responsibility to care for ourselves. Walk away from danger. Avoid danger. Including unmasked strangers.
3) I challenge the degree of your concern for your safety when you chose to approach this guy gaining closer proximity and thus increasing your odds of infection. I don’t believe you were as worried as you claim to be. I believe something else was in your head. It doesn’t make sense to me that you would approach a stranger you fear may be sick and at the same time express concern about spreading the flu to your family and friends. Notice a difference here….. I am saying “I believe” …. I am not asserting what is really going on in your head as I have no idea, no right to ask, and I am not asking. Just as in my examples, you are within your rights to tell him what you think about his behavior but he has no obligation to explain it to you, “an older woman confrontational stranger” what he is thinking. Confrontation breeds division and the words we choose matter more now than ever.